The reality is, we’re shedding our sons earlier than they even get an opportunity to turn out to be themselves.
Caleb Wilson was simply 20 years outdated—a scholar at Southern College, a younger Black man on the street to one thing. Possibly a level. Possibly a legacy. However undoubtedly a life. That was minimize quick after he was punched within the chest throughout a fraternity hazing ritual. That’s how he died. Not in a shootout. Not on some road nook. However in a brotherhood that mistook violence for bonding and ache for passage. A number of individuals have been arrested. And but, we nonetheless haven’t arrested the concept that masculinity have to be earned by way of struggling.
As a result of make no mistake: masculinity in our group remains to be being handed out like a membership card. And the gatekeepers? They appear to be us.
They sound like that “comic” Humorous Mike—who hopped on livestream and scolded his personal son for writing in a pink notepad with a unicorn on the quilt. A unicorn. A toddler’s pocket book. And but one way or the other, that second was an excessive amount of for a grown man to abdomen. He snapped, embarrassed that his baby was caught being… a baby. As a result of in our world, Black boys don’t get innocence. They get misdirected instruction. Be robust. Be arduous. Be a man. And God forbid they swerve even barely off script.
We noticed the identical script when Anthony Mackie caught warmth for explaining how he mother and father his sons—educating them to be younger males from an early age, leaning into gender roles that some people noticed as outdated or regressive. However right here’s the factor: even if you suppose you’re doing proper by your sons, there’s a complete group standing prepared to evaluate whether or not you’re elevating them proper. Nobody wins, as a result of no one agrees on what “a person” even is. Some individuals would rightfully argue that it is a main drawback within the Black group. They don’t let youngsters be youngsters however then wish to right them for being “too grown” at instances. The place’s the road?
Add to that the rise of the time period “YN,” quick for “Younger N*gga”—a reputation worn like armor in some areas, like branding in others. However ask your self: what are we actually baptizing our boys into? A tradition the place they’re anticipated to be fearless, unfeeling and unshakable earlier than they even hit puberty?
After which come the voices—loud, commanding, drenched in incense and righteous fury. The Umar Johnsons of the world. Males who say they’re saving the Black group, however preach a type of masculinity that leaves no room for softness, creativity or fluidity. It’s the identical sermon wearing Pan-African robes: “Be sturdy, be stoic, be straight or be silent.” All whereas having deadbeat dad allegations flowing by way of the web as I kind this. Is that what masculinity is?
So once more, I ask: Who holds the keys?
Is it the fathers with agency fingers? The individuals shopping for up podcast tools? The tradition critics dissecting parenting choices from iPhone screens? The frat brothers who mistake trauma for custom?
Or possibly, nobody ought to.
Possibly Black masculinity isn’t a home with a lock on the door. Possibly it’s an open discipline—spacious sufficient for the boy who performs soccer and the one who paints unicorns. Room sufficient for the Mackies, the Calebs, those who cry in personal and those who dance in public. House for the soft-spoken and the outspoken. For protectors and dreamers.
As a result of what Caleb Wilson’s dying ought to remind us is that our present blueprint for masculinity is damaged. He didn’t die as a result of he wasn’t “man sufficient.” He died as a result of individuals round him believed being a person required ache. And that type of pondering kills greater than it builds.
We don’t want extra keys. We’d like extra care. We’d like extra freedom to let Black boys be—earlier than we bury them below our insecurities.
So let the unicorn pocket book be. Let the pink pen write. Let Black masculinity bloom with out permission, with out punishment, with out efficiency.
The secret’s not yours to carry. It was by no means a lock to start with.