Ashes are usually not the stuff of life.
I discovered that in August 2023 from a mortician making ready to cremate my mom. The natural matter in an individual’s physique, I used to be advised, vaporizes when burned sizzling sufficient, abandoning the pulverized, inorganic substance we name ashes.
So what I’d name “Mother” is definitely a pile of inert minerals indistinguishable from every other particular person’s stays. Put the stuff within the floor, and vegetation will develop round it however not by means of it.
But these ashes imply one thing. They’re closing, heartbreakingly insufficient, tangible proof of my mother’s existence. They’re a relic that helps me mirror on life earlier than and after her dying.
I considered that because the ashes of timber, houses and possessions destroyed by the Eaton hearth in Altadena lined sidewalks, vehicles and anything that remained outdoors through the apocalyptic windstorm final week. My household lives just a few miles downwind from Altadena, and on the evening of Jan. 7, the situations appeared excessive sufficient that we too would possibly want to go away. East of us, a number of homes burned down in a spot hearth believed to have been ignited by embers blown from Altadena.
A niece in Glendale, farther from the Eaton hearth’s origin however beneath better risk than we had been, evacuated to our residence. Household, associates, previous highschool classmates — many fled. Some misplaced their houses and extra.
Their losses are actual and incomparable to the mere misery felt by these of us who nonetheless have roofs over our heads and faculties for our kids to attend. Our struggling, for those who can name it that, comes from empathy; theirs, from the unforgiving bully of expertise.
And but the collective trauma to Los Angeles is plain, particularly to communities near Altadena and Pacific Palisades. The ash that fell on us for days was however a bodily reminder, a merciful one at that, of the destruction simply up the highway from us.
Practically two weeks later, Altadena’s ashes stay in sidewalk crevices and different hard-to-clean locations in my neighborhood. Every other time, you’d suppose a bunch of cigarette people who smoke hadn’t cleaned up after themselves. Or, if this had been a extra “typical” hearth deeper within the mountains, it could possibly be the stays of shrubs and timber blown in from Angeles Nationwide Forest. That occurred through the Bobcat hearth in 2020.
This time, and from this hearth, it’s completely different.
Driving the household minivan, I used the wipers to clear mud and dirt off the windshield — after which puzzled what remnants of different households’ lives I had simply thoughtlessly brushed away. Maybe these specks had been as soon as household images, diplomas hanging on partitions, perhaps even pages from the hymn books within the burned-down church the place the partner of one in every of my spouse’s colleagues is the rector.
Which houses’ ashes are neighbors scattering by sweeping off their driveways? May any of the stays be from the classroom in Altadena the place my spouse and I took our kids to Mrs. Henry’s early parenting class? From the home on Christmas Tree Lane the place, two years in the past, mannequin practice builders graciously entertained my children?
Winds had blown these ashes, relics from Altadena’s trauma, throughout us. And as we’d grieve over the stays of a deceased cherished one, these would possibly prod us to think about the query: What now?
Within the Fifties, my grandparents settled in a modest bungalow downslope from fire-prone hills and canyons in Glendale. Dwelling close by of mountains reminded them of residence in Norway. Is the sense of security that when allowed them to make that discount with nature — arguably the quintessential high quality of life in Los Angeles — now gone? Have we dumped a lot carbon into the environment that what was as soon as “simply far sufficient” from nature is “too shut” at the moment?
Fortunately, these ashes are usually not the stuff of life. And judging by GoFundMe pages and guarantees to rebuild, the beating coronary heart of Altadena stays. Plans are being made to relight the cedars on Christmas Tree Lane as quickly as potential, in a present of group resilience.
However I hope we by no means absolutely clear away the reminiscence of those ashes. It might serve to remind us, lengthy after the broader collective trauma subsides, that the individuals who misplaced a lot in Altadena — the true stuff of life in that group — nonetheless want our assist.
This story initially appeared in Los Angeles Instances.