Police Report: Edward ‘Massive Balls’ Coristine Assaulted in Alleged Carjacking


On Tuesday afternoon, President Donald Trump posted a risk on his social media platform Fact Social to “federalize” the District of Columbia, citing claims of gang violence. He additionally shared a photograph of a bloodied, shirtless man sitting on the street. Quickly after, Elon Musk tweeted {that a} Division of Authorities Effectivity (DOGE) staffer was “crushed to the purpose of concussion” by an alleged gang in DC. Police stories obtained by WIRED verify that the alleged sufferer in query was Edward Coristine, the 19-year-old software program engineer who has passed by “Massive Balls” on-line and was one in all DOGE’s earliest operatives.

In accordance with a report from DC’s Metropolitan Police Division, two individuals have been arrested in connection to the incident, described as a carjacking, between 3:01 and 4:20 am on the morning of Sunday, August 3. The situation of the alleged incident is within the northwest area of Logan Circle, a well known and comparatively central space of town.

Along with Coristine, the report references Emily Bryant as a second sufferer and describes her as Coristine’s “vital different.” A DOGE affiliate named Emily Bryant has been linked to the Federal Commerce Fee, the Common Companies Administration, and the Govt Workplace of the President.

The police report seems to quote federal and native statutes that criminalize carjacking. It additionally claims {that a} black iPhone 16 was stolen. When contacted by WIRED, the Metropolitan Police Division initially mentioned that there have been no police stories that talked about an “Ed” or “Edward” Coristine. Nevertheless, the police report obtained by WIRED says that the victims of the alleged crime have been Coristine and Bryant.

In accordance with the police report, officers patrolling the world of the alleged crime “noticed a bunch of roughly ten juveniles surrounding the complainants’ car,” earlier than allegedly assaulting one of many two victims.

The report additionally claims that Coristine “noticed the suspects method and make a remark about taking the car.” It claims that Coristine then “pushed” Bryant into the automotive. Then, in line with the report, Coristine “turned to cope with the suspects. The suspects then started to assault [him].”

The police declare that Coristine and Bryant have been in a position to positively establish two of the alleged suspects. At that time, the report claims that these two topics “have been positioned below arrest for unarmed carjacking” and transported to the native “JPC,” presumably the Juvenile Processing Middle, to be processed.

When the law enforcement officials exited their car, the report claims that when the juveniles have been “noticed” by the officers, they “started fleeing on foot. Officers have been in a position to cease simply two of the themes.

When contacted by WIRED, Metropolitan Police Division spokesperson Tom Lynch couldn’t confirm whether or not or not any of the alleged perpetrators have been members of a gang. When WIRED described the image posted by President Donald Trump on Fact Social that seems to indicate a bloodied Coristine, Lynch verified that he had seen it. Whereas he mentioned he couldn’t independently confirm its authenticity, Lynch did word that the picture “was posted by the president of america,” and mentioned that “there’s no cause to not consider” it was inauthentic.



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